A week ago I felt I'd reached once more rock bottom. I wallowed in tragedy and forgot the vow I had taken upon myself in 2006 "Nobody and nothing is worth the hours I lay in bed pondering my own misery or even death ". Then your letters started filling up my inbox, and I found out how much people care regardless of opinions and disagreements. I want to thank all of you who sent me letters and left comments here. The special thanks though will go to Maya M and her beautiful post with the adapted poem "when things go wrong".....
However, it was Safia's comment that woke me up . How could I forget that beautiful Quranic verse she quoted? Below is the full version:
"286. La yukallifu Allahu nafsan illa wusAAaha laha ma kasabat waAAalayha ma iktasabat rabbana la tuakhithna in naseena aw akhtana rabbana wala tahmil AAalayna isran kama hamaltahu AAala allatheena min qablina rabbana wala tuhammilna ma la taqata lana bihi waoAAfu AAanna waighfir lana wairhamna anta mawlana faonsurna AAala alqawmi alkafireena " [ref]
Safia put her thumb on the problem and the solution ( thank you sis). Read the translation and you will understand:
"286 On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray:) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith." [ref] emphasis mine .
I had a flash of understanding, it was so simple really :)
Highlander could bear the burden, it was the "someone had become the sole list" who did not have enough strenght to bear it and preferred to jump the train early on.
So if God Himself does NOT burden us human beings with more than we can take, who was I as a human to expect another human to accept more than that human could bear ? Nah that would be too much on the poor soul. That was when a big smile formed on my face, their was no need for desperation anymore.